Puss in Boots

2004-04-14T14:44:00.000+01:00

Well. Hello there. I haven't see you in awhile. How's it going, stranger?

Yes, after some self-imposed exile in the wildlands I am back once more. In fact, my exile wasn't so much self-imposed as self-induced, a mixture of overwork followed by illness that left me willing but not able to update this little account for you, my dear Friends.

A short break has left me revived, like a drooping flowers put in fresh water and nourished with plant-food. I have a new haircut, a haul of vintage clothing and accessories from the car boot sale, a short play for the BAC in progress, and a holiday to look forward to in Daam. And tomorrow is that most magical of magic-days, the gay day, the play day, the Pay Day. It is a Good Time to Be Me.

I have undertaken some Easter resolutions, namely to calm it all down a little. More sleep, less mess and stress. Caffeine bad, calm good. Red meat good and red wine good. Overpriced baguettes for lunch bad. Fruit very good. Sunshine and good books marvelous.

2004-03-26T16:15:00.000Z

A growing ennui fills me, spreading from a boredom with being stuck at my computer at the first sunny afternoon in living memory, filling up all the corners of my cracked psyche. I ache for freedom. I long for it. Like a thin, long-eared rabbit staring through the chicken wire at the fresh grass and open lawns beyond, yearning to play.

No, it is not To Be. Unlike DirectorGirl, who has Thrown In her job to write a Novel, I still commit myself to the purgatory existence of the DayJob, in return for the hollow reward of vintage eBay and too much red wine. Neither of which are flowing in my direction at this time, my bank account being as empty as the eyes of the Commutable commuters on my 9.01 train to Waterloo.

I have chained myself to the rock of Capitalism, while the Poseidon of boredom lazily flaps at me, then yawningly eats me alive.

2004-03-25T10:42:00.000Z

Dear Readers,

Please find attached below, in no specific order, a list of main thoughts, feelings and events of the past week.

Writing
Progress has been steady and encouraging. One script submitted to ex-Literary Manager of Hampstead Theatre for possible performance at BAC in June (after I accidentally flashed my tits at him at preliminary meeting). Have completed several articles for my forthcoming fuck-y'all mini-magazine, Small Town and one for in-house DayJob magazine on bizarre Spring rituals. Feel motivated. Feels good.

Social
Theatre Tuesday night, drinks with DirectorGirl tonight, classical music with FastestViolinInTheWestBoy tomorrow. No money whatsoever, at all, in any way - any suggestions for a cheapskate should be forwarded to usual address. Am spring-cleaning people - more time with those I love, less with those who aren't worth the time.

Money
Lack of. See above.

Love
ActorBoyfriend developing mean reds due to lack of auditions - new agent taking over at his agency has not done Much For The Good. His DayJob even worse than mine. Together, we're stronger.

Drink
Yes, please.

2004-03-22T16:03:00.000Z

That's it, I renounce my social life. Fell asleep again at HippyGirl's party on Saturday night. Although perhaps it would be more medically accurate to say that I passed out on ActorBoyfriend's lap for an hour after downing a very large shot of absinthe. He kindly woke me after an hour, at which point I staggered off to vomit all over my shoes in a nearby alleyway (as toilet was occupied by LawyerGirl and ScouseLawBoy doing whatever Young People do when there's a room with a lockable door). Poor shoes - white shoes and red wine, it looked as though I had been tap-dancing my way through the Apocalypse. I could not even go back into the house until I had been given water to rinse my darling leather footcladdings.

I am a Social Tragedy. As with all true tragedy, the fatal flaw lies within myself and is my own undoing.

Had five hours' sleep before getting up on Sunday to cook roast venison for my parents, brother and sister-in-law. I highly recommend roast Bambi's Mother when you have a hangover, particularly if you can lie on the sofa wailing while your very own ActorBoyfriend cooks it for you.

I went out with BellaSenoritaGirl and her friends in the Suburbiton on Thursday, and have persuaded her friends to write for my new project, Small Town magazine. It goes well already - two article nearly completed, and a whole crowd of people to be cowed and bullied into assisting my dark and fervent scribblings.

2004-03-18T17:47:00.000Z

Life is Amusing, in as much is it Variegated. But a scant week ago, I was a lonely guinea pig, devoid of the attention I felt to be not only my due but my sustenance. This week, all manner of new and exciting opportunities open before me.

Had a very pleasant drink with GermanPhilosophyBoy on Tuesday evening, to calm his nerves before his dinner date with ChicaGirl last night. Both have spent the day raving about one another - the sudden, beautiful rush of Young Love (well, ChicaGirl at least is younger than me). Then today I had a text message from TVGirl, who directed me in a film when we lived in the City of Gold but had recently dropped off the communications scanner. And on Saturday, I also heard from the BabyMamma, who I have not seen for well over eighteen months. Faces old and new crowd into my consciousness and fill me with joy at my fellow man.

Less joyful is my compulsive shopping. This morning, when a beautiful vintage suede coat arrived for me from eBay, I carried the box to a bin on the nearby university campus and hid it in the bins there, rather than have to face the guilty evidence of the click-click compulsions that propel money out of my bank account at a terrifying rate. In much the same manner as an alcoholic hides their empty bottles, the signs of my addiction were safely stashed away from eyes that seek Only To Help.

2004-03-15T12:41:00.000Z

I am the uber-Party-meistress, I have decided. Bow down and worship at the feet of my wonderful drunken fiestas. And bring presents while you're at it...

Saturday night was wonderful, a full-blown rock 'n' roll drinking extravaganza. I can't take all the credit, though. I would play you false, dear reader, if I did not openly admit that the main bulk of the success of the night was due to the unsurpassable calibre of the guests. Everyone came: ChicaGirl, EightiesDisasterMovieBoy, BellaSenoritaGirl, PhoneGirl plus friend plus boyfriend, GuinessIsLawBoy and a beautiful new acquaintance, SongbirdGirl, TheFiftyFootWoman, GermanPhilosophyBoy, ShinyWhiteTeethBoy, FreeSpiritSister1 and FreeSpiritSister2, LawyerGirl and HippyGirl and TooCleverByHalfBoy and ScouseLawyerBoy, and TummyFromHeavenGirl and ProviderOfToastGirl, and FastestViolinInTheWestBoy and MrPolishCurrentAffairs... Oh my, names and names and names and more names...

I am also pleased to report that there was at least one party bag per person or couple, and most people seemed pleased with their personalised badges. Oh, for a Badge-It machine, to have made the badges myself! Still, it will give me something to work towards for next year - I would hate to lack ambition.

I had a champagne breakfast, and was given three handbags of different sizes, and a t-shirt saying Goodbye Kitty... As you can probably tell, I feel emotion build up inside me just to remember it. No wonder I get so excited about Birthdays, when they can be so Fabulous. And yes - there was also the suggestion of romance, but I shall not mention the parties involved... Suffice it to say that a believe a date to the opera was arranged, and I wish them both well at Don Giovanni.

2004-03-12T15:10:00.000Z

Birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday...

Must I wait any longer? Surely it is time for me to unlock the ankle chain that tethers me firmly to the DayJob desk, and make a break, for the Weekend and for Presents? I chew at my lip and slump in my seat as the sky darkens slowly, too slowly, and edges me slowly towards the Grandest of Ages, oh mystical Twenty-Four. So good they named a TV show after it, and it had Keifer Sutherland and everything.

2004-03-11T15:04:00.000Z

"Narcolepsy is a malfunction of the sleep/wake regulating system in the brain of unknown origin. Its most common manifestation is an irresistible tendency to fall asleep, even in unlikely circumstances such as in the middle of a conversation or at a meal."

Or, indeed, on your best friend's floor at the end of the night, swooning gently in a red wine induced nap as the party continues around you. For after a lovely Italian with HippyGirl, TooCleverByHalfBoy and ActorBoyfriend (accompanied by truly vile wine that tasted of bananas and has left my throat raw and sore in the cold of March daytime) I once again curled into a small kitten-sized ball of fluff on the floor and went soundly to sleep. ActorBoyfriend had to shake me awake after half an hour and drag me home. What is wrong with me? Let's look at other narcolepsy symptoms...

- "temporary paralysis on falling asleep or awakening, often accompanied by hallucinatory or nightmarish experiences" - does this include the way my limbs seize up as my alarm beeps me into hideous wakefulness every weekday morning?

- "moments (but sometimes extended periods) of trance-like behaviour in which routine activities are continued on auto-pilot" - could this describe my working day in the DayJob?

- "interruption of night-time sleep by waking periods, marked by quickening of the heartbeat, over-alertness, hot flushes, agitation, and an intense craving for sweets" - my night-time craving for nougat suddenly gains a scientific basis...

There but for the grace of my mugs of organic fair trade tea go I.

2004-03-10T13:01:00.000Z

It's HippyGirl's birthday, which is cause for celebration and jubilation! We're meeting her for dinner tonight, and I have made a card and got her a French hip hop CD. HippyGirl is one of My Favourite Things, and I hope that we can make the day as special as she deserves. Lovely hippy.

Decided to get a bottle of cheap champagne and some orange juice last night and drinks Bucks Fizz For No Reason At All. It was lovely at the time, but now my head is a little sore. Ah well.

2004-03-09T13:48:00.000Z

ActorBoyfriend's agent has said she'd like to read some of my writing. Am trying not to get too excited. No one likes a Desperate Kitty, no matter how great her shoes are. Also have meeting on Friday night with a guy from the Hampstead Theatre about some writing.

It's all Disco Go-Go on the writing front.

2004-03-08T13:51:00.000Z

Apart from the incident when a Spider dragged away my Pobble With No Toes to meet a Turtle who thought she knew the Pobble from New Zealand, Saturday night was a wild time. Having spent Saturday afternoon sleeping off Friday night and buying goodies for party bags, there was some desperate last-minute stitching to make my guinea pig ears, then ActorBoyfriend and I were off to the ball. It was like crashing a backstage party at Disneyland, with an amazing turnout of full-on full-body fur suits. ShinyWhiteTeethBoy was a rabbit, ActorBoyfriend was a Pobble With No Toes (an Edward Lear reference, he assured us) and GreatestGoateeEverBoy came as... well, he did have a great goatee.

Far too much red wine was handed to me as the boys did rounds and failed to notice that I didn't make it to the bar myself after 9pm. Fell asleep curled up in front of the fire in ShinyWhiteTeethBoy's posh Greenwich flat, while Boys smoked smokes and talked bullshit. Home was next sighted at 9am on the Sunday, through red and swollen eyes.

Sunday evening, once I dragged myself from my pit of duvets and self-loathing hungoverness, and again off the sofa and out of the door, I bullied ActorBoyfriend to the cinema with me, LawyerGirl and ScouseLawyerBoy to watch a film about Death. I know how to pick them. Everyone came home feeling worse at the time, but I am sure that they will recognise the artistic value of the work. They just need time.

2004-03-05T13:01:00.000Z

I am starting to emerge, moth-like, from my chrysalis of boredom and coccooning in my living room. The weekend lurks tantalising hours away, with all its promises of excitement and enchantment. Tonight ActorBoyfriend and I are going dining and wining in Chinatown before going to see Kill Bill. Tomorrow, I shop for trinkets and treasures for party bags for those fortunate lovelies who I hope to attend my party next week. In the evening, the Fancy Dress Animal Party. Then Sunday to experience some culture at the Hayward Gallery, and a dash of Mexican-influenced cinema with 21 Grams with LawyerGirl and her boyfriend ScouseLawyerBoy.

I am reborn. It feels marvelous.

GermanPhilosophyBoy and I spent much of the day emailing discussing semiotics, dreams, Freud, fashion, death, Austrian and Italian authors and other weighty material. A pleasant change from normal e-routine.

2004-03-04T15:35:00.000Z

Went to the pub, ate fudge, drank red wine, came home and curled up in the foetal position on the living floor in a small ball of ugly hormones. That was Wednesday.

2004-03-03T12:26:00.000Z

Yawn, kinda bored. Not much going on here. Various parties etc. to come, but none now. Have stayed in last couple of nights, going to pub with ActorBoyfriend tonight just for change of scene. Watched El Crimen del padre Amaro on Monday night - must watch more Latin America cinema.

Buying lots of vintage dresses on eBay. That's as exciting as it gets.

Anyone who wants to amuse me, please feel free. It's like having New Shoes with nowhere to wear them.

2004-03-01T14:06:00.000Z

A weekend of drinking too much and sleepwalking. I am trying now to limit ActorBoyfriend's alcohol abuse after he lost the plot totally on Saturday night, went sleepwalking around my parents' house in SmallTown, and threw his glasses against the wall. No more drugs for that man.

Saturday night was fantastic. DentalBarbieGirl and me are going to see Blondie as they're playing five minutes away from her house. GuinessIsLawBoy is such a lovely boy. Must see more of him. He is always up for one more drink.

Had some great news at work on Friday - I am going to be trained up to editing and to write short news articles for journals. I shall be writing about drug discovery. There are so many jokes I could make that I can't bear to pick just one.

2004-02-27T16:11:00.000Z

Almost the weekend. Have no money, but PunisherBoy has lent me manga DVDs, so will buy cheap wine and watch those tonight whilst snivelling over lack of Social Contact. ActorBoyfriend's best friend ShinyWhiteTeethBoy may be coming over tonight. I don't know if he likes manga, but I will Fight For My Rights.

Must go to Camden tomorrow. Ostentatiously for birthday present for HippyGirl but also for vintage clothes for me. But have no money. Sigh.

Party tomorrow night, in a cheese club for GuinessIsLawBoy's birthday. DentalBarbieGirl is coming down from Cambridge, so that will offset cheesiness in extremis of club. Happy birthday GuinessIsLawBoy!

Family lunch thing Sunday, for my Exceptionally Old Italian grandfather (who is not as old, however, as my Exceptionally Old Italian grandmother). They pray to the Vatican channel every day, and my Exceptionally Old Italian grandmother is well into her nineties. Maybe I should get the Vatican channel too.

2004-02-26T13:24:00.000Z

Yesterday I sent out my play. I am a brave, good, daring and creative person. Yeah. Maybe. I promise to let everyone know if it gets rejected. In fact, I will howl and demand to be taken drinking.

On the other hand, I passed my Marketing qualification this morning. I did the Marketing thang last year as I liked the idea of selling books. And then I discovered it was hideously boring and not for me but I was stuck on the course for a year of my life. A whole year. Ah well, at least I passed.

Fell very fuzzy around the edges today, like a Polaroid photo taken from too close. Went out last night with FastestViolinInTheWestBoy, his boyfriend MrPolishCurrentAffairs and their friend XXLBoy (who is not XXL himself but likes men who are - please forward them to the usual address). We got drunk in Soho on various types of disgusting pub red wine. ActorBoyfriend took me home and tucked me up in bed, then had a spliff and made himself ill. He was still in bed at 1pm today. Sensible ActorBoyfriend.

I am going to a birthday party next weekend where people have to come dressed as animals. Hmm. I am going as a guinea pig.

2004-02-24T18:07:00.000Z

I'm sitting in the DayJob office waiting to meet LawyerGirl, before going up to Camden to see a band called Mantle of Beez, who we used to know back in The City Of Gold (or Bristol, as some people know it). Bristol is Better Than Shoes. Me and LawyerGirl and HippyGirl all met doing a musical at university together, all lithe teenagers singing "be-do-wop" and doing cute little kicks in teeny-tiny skirts before a drooling audience of drunken louts. Happy days. The drummer from that show is the drummer in Mantle of Beez so our Support is Mandatory.

I am wearing The Best Jumper In The World Ever. It is lemon yellow, with a slash neck. It has two My Little Pony's on it. My mum made it. It is cooler than you can ever dream of being.

2004-02-23T15:41:00.000Z

I have finally decided what to do for My Birthday. I am going to The Spitz, then having a house party back at my luxury Kingston palais. I have to make party bags and fairy cakes but otherwise I am now At Peace with My Birthday.

All weekend objectives were successfully met. I am particularly pleased to have Gardening Leave ready to send out, and I am waiting for enough people to leave my DayJob office so I can start printing out copies. Corporate Theft Starts Here.

TapQueenGirl and her BoyfriendOnTour are very lovely and well indeed, apart from TapQueenGirl's damaged ankle. I miss her now that she lives in Brighton, where she runs her own theatre school, but I will go and visit her lots as I am In Love with Brighton. ActorBoyfriend says we can't go live there, though. So I am glad TapQueenGirl is there to stay with after all.

I am also writing an article about writing on the Internet, and the fact that publishing companies are becoming defunt in the age of online self-publishing. At the moment I am Motivated.

2004-02-20T17:06:00.000Z

I woke up this morning still drunk from last night, and decided to cut my own fringe before I left the house for work. I have been staring cautiously at it ever since I sobered up. I can't decide whether it looks fucked up or okay. Keep sharp objects away from me.

Things to do this weekend:
- TapQueenGirl is up from Brighton to visit tomorrow night, me and she and her BoyfriendOnTour (another actor) and HippyGirl and ActorBoyfriend are drinking with Wombles in Wimbledon
- Finish embroidering the eyes on the My Little Pony jumper that my mum knitted me for Christmas
- Go on a reconaissance mission for possible Birthday locations
- Finish my script (has some little changes towards the end to do)
- Sleep
- Drink red wine
- Get laid

2004-02-19T13:42:00.000Z

I have decided to start giving More Books to More People. I used to always give books to people and I've got out of the habit. I gave Chalet School books to EightiesDisasterMovieBoy and ChicaGirl on the weekend, and I felt like a better person for it. I have hundreds of books that I never read any more, some that I'll treasure but some that can be loved anew. Like past lovers - wish them well and pass them on to new people.

This book obsession today is probably sparked by the amazing movie I watched last night - Read Or Die. Cute mad manga! About Library Special Operations, a crack book retrieval unit in London! And a really gorgeously sensual lesbian love-thang going on... Oh! I want to be part of Library Special Operations.

I have my Best Boots on today, pale grey suede with a grey leather cuff at the top, real pantomime pirate boots, so lovely and Mine, All Mine. I like stroking them, they are soft as kittens.

2004-02-18T13:51:00.000Z

Eating cheese. Cheese is good.

HippyGirl and ActorBoyfriend and me went to the pub last night. It was nice. Me and HippyGirl plotted plans for Birthdays, which approach soon. Buy me presents. We were going to have a Hawaii Five-O slash Tequila Sunrise party, with coconuts and fake palm trees and paper lanterns, but lots of HippyGirl's friends can't make it. So, there may now be a variety of smaller nights out instead of one big one. Spread the love around.

London is AngryVille. Everyone here seems so cross all the time. Everything is a fight - everyone always has to be first. When was the last time someone held a door for you in AngryVille, unless they thought it might get them sex? It is hard on the children.

I am going to watch more cartoons. PunisherBoy who works in my DayJob has lent me a manga DVD called "Read Or Die", and ActorBoyfriend's brother RockGodBoy is bringing "Ghost In The Shell" when he comes to stay tonight.

I am going to get myself some more Friendsters today, I think.

2004-02-17T10:55:00.000Z

ActorBoyfriend is home and all is well in the world. I am walking about feeling underslept but thoroughly in love. All boyfriends should go on tour, it is the Key to True Love. Perhaps. I left him sleeping and adorable in bed this morning - should have taken morning off work, too late now.

Had encouraging e-mail today - wrote to a theatre in Battersea asking them if they were considering unsolicited scripts at the moment. Received an unequivocal Yes today, so am sending Gardening Leave, the play I've been working on for the last year, off to them molto soon. I should definitely not be writing this in my Blog, as I will then not only be heartbroken but also humiliated when it is rejected, but I am a foolhardy creature and will dance willingly to my doom.

2004-02-16T15:53:00.000Z

One hour and one bit to go!

Maybe he has brought me a present, too.

2004-02-16T10:30:00.000Z

So, following on from drunken night in pub on Wednesday night, there is a poem for me (presumably from GermanFlorian) on the Valentine's message board on my work intranet. It goes:

You have a guinea pig, I know, but otherwise i liked you, though.
Just what you said was full of flow, I wish you were in that TV-show.
I'd maybe watch it every night, just for the fun and the delight.
I don't know you, that's alright,
but watching TV, I hope I might.

I must stop getting drunk and shouting about guinea pigs. No good will come of it.

ActorBoyfriend gets home tonight! I am deliriously excited. I am going to feed him choice titbits and excellent wines, and be a PerfectGirlfriend. It will be fabulous.

Now, just six hours fifteen minutes of the DayJob to get through...

2004-02-15T15:01:00.000Z

Sleepy Sunday sort of feeling, as I laze around my parents' house and abuse their broadband connection.

Last night was great - wine, Valentine's cards, fabulous people and punk-rock karaoke. Went out with EightiesDisasterMovieBoy and ChicaGirl in the SmallTown, and saw DeeJayGirl DJing in a pub called Around Town, which confused me for a while when people were talking about it. I also spent lots of time on the phone to ActorBoyfriend, sometimes arguing, sometimes feeling helplessly in love. I read a lot of feminism when I was too young, and I get very pointlessly reactionary to being in love. Still, what can you do?

I have eaten lots of Thai chicken curry as my Sunday lunch, and will go to the cinema later to see "Big Fish". I will probably be afflicted by the massive fear of my own mortality that hits every Sunday night, the sense of what's-it-all-for-anyway? I always feel like that on Sundays. I think I should get a cat, then I could justify my existence. A kitten, maybe. But the responsibility scares me.

I am trying a new diet now. It is very French, involving three meals a day, red wine not beer, cheese and meat. In The Future, All Diets Will Be Like This.

2004-02-13T12:52:00.000Z

I have to go the dentist today, to get my front tooth filed. HippyGirl cracked it on a beer bottle when she, me, LawyerGirl and the Boyfriends went to Club Motherfucker last month.

I like Friday 13th. And it's exactly one month today until my birthday, yay! I love my birthday more than other day ever, as I love presents and fuss and other such princess pleasures. It is my most wicked day of the year, when I can flounce about as much as I want and everyone has to love me. One month and counting.

I am going to the SmallTown tonight, where I was raised slowly on a low heat, like bread. SmallTown is in Berkshire and it scares the living spirit out of me, being very suburbian and small and everyone there knows me and every dumbfuck drunkfuck I've ever had (there were a few before ActorBoyfriend). Still, I am going out for a Valentine's Day Mascara tomorrow night (it was going to be a massacre but we all felt too shiny and sparkly).

And I have new shoes! They are thing of beauty - little ballet pumps with round toes and a teeny-tippy silver buckle each. They are from TopShop. They are my new Favourite Thing. Pretty. I shall write a haiku to my new shoes:

Shiny patent shoes
Of shiny patent power
You are my new friends

2004-02-12T16:17:00.000Z

So, it's Thursday now, and I'm hungover again. Someone was leaving my office (I have a DayJob in a science publishing company, which is Dutch and the people Believe in Drinking) so we went to a StandardPub and drank some beer, while the leavee got given a Metallica DVD box set, which looked cool.

I met a German person named Florian, who was very impressed when I told him I had a guinea pig in German ("Ich habe ein Meerschweinhun") and asked him how to get to the station. But then he started talking about Emmanual Kant and humanist philosophers, so I think his English is better than my German.

When I got home I fried up an entire packet of chicken liver and ate it. It sobered me right up. I am disgusting but I felt satisfied in every way.

Today my LawyerGirl took me out for lunch, as I have officially Spent All My Money On Beer. We had steak sandwichs. She looks great in her suit, and was even on time to meet me. HippyGirl asked me to the pub again after work but I had to say no as my head is sore and I feel sorry for myself, and anyway I want to go home and eat the rest of the liver in the fridge. Disgusting, I say.

2004-02-09T12:30:00.000Z

I like boots. Boots are great things. In fact, I love them - all shapes and colours (though size is specifically 7), vintage and new. I am a boot fetishist, which doesn't mean that I wear fetish boots although possibly I could be persuaded. Today I am wearing Puma boxing boots, which are bouncy and springy and make me want to go "Hiiiii-ya!" like Miss Piggy crossed with Mr T. That would be a great combination.

So, I love boots. They make me happy. There are other things in life as well, some more exciting than footwear and some not. Here's how it breaks down:

Better than footwear: my ActorBoyfriend, writing scripts, my collection of weirdy-beardy friends
As good as footwear: gin, Japanese cartoons, the Godfather films, Italy
Worse than footwear: my commuting, my weight, Sunday nights

Not everything in life can be split according to "the better than shoes / worse than shoes" dichotomy, but I find it's a helpful place to start.